


It's All Better Now

by askthealien



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Brown Eyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 15:46:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14621907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/askthealien/pseuds/askthealien
Summary: Connor has loved and lost so much in his short life. All he wants is someone to love.





	It's All Better Now

Connor never paid much attention to people. Why would he? They were horrible to him almost all of the time, even his own family. So, instead, he focused on himself. Connor wanted to like people and sometimes he forced himself to try, but it never worked. They always turned on him and he ended up hating himself even more.

That was until senior year, when he tried with Evan. On the first day of school he tried to befriend the kid that he had shoved earlier in the day. It wasn’t one of his proudest moments and he wanted to make up for it, but instead he ended up getting angry after he saw Evan’s note about Zoe.

He ran off to the only place that he felt okay, the park. There, he took a handful of his meds and went to sleep. While he slept he fell into a coma and his world fell apart. Evan pretended to be his friend. Zoe and Evan started dating. Evan turned out to be a fraud. Connor woke up a month and a half after he went to the park.

Things were different when he woke up. His family started going to therapy. He had to go to rehab for a bit and when he got out his finished his senior year. He went to a local college and lived at home, because for one he felt like his family was whole.

Finally, he started to notice people. The first thing he noticed was his sister’s eyes. The same blue that filled his own and his father’s. His mother’s eyes were different, though, they were darker. He saw his family as actual people for the first time.

After years of feeling normal and getting a handle on his emotions his mother asked him a question that he had never thought of himself. “When are you getting married, Connor?” It’s not that he hadn’t had girlfriends. He was almost 30, of course he dated, but he never thought that the normal marriage and kids and ‘American Dream’ was obtainable for him.

Once his mother brought it up the flood gates opened. He dated girl after girl after girl trying to find the perfect one to fit with him. “There’s no such thing as perfect.” Zoe had told him one night after his complaining. “You find a person that will work with you, not one that doesn’t need work.”

He dated a middle school teacher. Her eyes matched the water where they used to have dates. She was nice and polite. She wanted the same things Connor wanted, the marriage and the kids. But she reminded him so much of Zoe. All he could think about what his sweet little sister. He broke up with her, sending her ocean eyes flooding.

He dated a girl with eyes the color of his favorite park. She loved to read Russian literature and watch indie movies. He worried that she was too smart for him, that she deserved someone who could talk at length about the same things with her. He was constantly reassured that she wasn’t and that he was who she picked. But he broke up with her, leaving her shut off like the gates to his favorite park were.

There was the girl whose eyes couldn’t decide what they wanted to be, much like herself. She was a make-up artist one day and a DJ the next. She always had a different idea for what they should be doing, but none of them matched up to what he wanted. When they broke up her eyes finally decided on a color, black.

But the last person, the person that finally stuck, had eyes like his favorite midnight snack. They were brown like the bark on his favorite tree and just as comforting. They held him close when he needed and gave him space when he asked. When her eyes lit up they were the color of champagne. He hadn’t seen anything more delicious.

He met the love of his life a year after his mother mentioned getting married. He was in a bookstore doing a signing for his latest book. He was super proud and couldn’t wait to see how many people came in. After hours and hours of teenagers coming by and getting autographs and being too scared to talk, he saw them.

They were the only adult in the store. When they got to the front they explained how Connor’s book had been recommended by a friend and originally, they didn’t think they would like it, but now their hooked on the series. He made a mental note that he had to take them out for hot chocolate, even if he could just stare into their eyes.

He asked them out and put his number in their book. Usually he wasn’t this brave, but there was something about this person that he couldn’t let them slip away. Through the rest of the signing he could barely focus on the kids beaming at him. He kept checking his phone.


End file.
